I've been in this situation before. That inevitable crossroad just when I thought that the journey is about a straight road ahead where I don't have to choose between the left or the right road. It's not even the paved versus the unpaved road. It is about left or right.
I have but a few months left to decide. I have several options to chose from, none of which involves algebraic equations inorder to be solved. It is indeed a crossroad.
The issue with me is that although I adopt to change easily, I would rather have it the easier way. To just stay put.
I have to decide. There are so many things that I need to weigh upon. I prayed and pray for more that the best possible decision that I might make is being done with only one thing to consider. That it is for the good of everybody involve.
I have to start doing something now. Although the consensus is to go with the first plan, my mind is still not 100 percent into it.
I need a sign.
Yet I still don't know what sign I am looking for.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
To love and to hold from 2001 until death do us part
Today is our 9th wedding anniversary.
It feels like yesterday when I think about how we managed to prepare all the essentials (and non-essentials) for the wedding. To have good friends and my dear cousin Ai helped me through it all is so heart warming. It was a marathon of doing all those stuff from March until the final day on Sept 8, 2001.
On the day of the wedding, Ai and I still had the time to go and pick up the flowers for the bouquet from the shop which was not ready the day before. I didn't panic. I don't know anything about stress and pressure. For me, it was just about getting everything ready before I head to the hotel for my hair and make-up.
And I can't remember the rest of it, ok, the pictures will definitely show that we did a good job. I mean, there was no wedding coordinator to help us out. It was a collaboration of sorts between friends - Chat, Balot, Ai and I.
My dear Sir Binoy (my favorite HS teacher) sent us the backdrop for the reception and for that I am forever grateful to him. My aunts (my mom's sisters) were so helpful and Hubs family is so wonderful for embracing me into their family.
Ok, the wedding ceremony and the reception were done in style, in our own simple style. It rained after the reception as we had back to the hotel with me being Mrs Ouano officially.
The next day we, the newly weds, hied off to Panglao, Bohol for the "honeymoon" or should I say, a much needed respite - rest and recreation. Both set of parents, unaware of our plans, were looking for us and this made me smile until this day from the time my Mama told me about how we were missed the following day. Our wedding presents were opened at the same time the World Trade Center was attacked on Sept. 11, the whole episode unfolding on TV.
Our love story is not one for the books except maybe the courtship stage or the lack of it seemed to be an interesting topic. We met because we worked from the same company and to make a very long story shorter, we dated or should we say we were having MU (mutual understanding as in Murag Uyab), enjoyed each other's company and shared so many interesting stories together over good food that after two years, on a Good Friday, the hubs asked the most anticipated question of all times. Who am I to say No? Having been raised relatively different and the seven years age gap, we have our own differences but managed to co-exist harmoniously with each other.
Love, is the basic foundation of a relationship, trust keep such relationship intact, communication makes the relationship stronger but it is the care-free attitude and oftentimes the respect for some privacy, or what's left of it, completes the equation as to how we managed to stay sane from day one until today. I would say respect is the most important ingredient in a relationship for it to last.
When I say respect, it is about keeping your cool when one is having a melt-down. We don't clash head on - we simply don't clash at all. I might have learned it the hard way but it is really important to simply store a bucket full of patience and count to 100 before I open my mouth and say something I might regret. He is the same way to me and because of that, arguments seldom happen.
It's not an easy road we take but we learned to cope with the ever changing life and its stages. Now that the boys are growing up and easier to managed, we simply take one day at a time and enjoy each other's company.
It's a long journey ahead but knowing that we are here for each other, we will buckle ourselves, and go on with the ride, with or without an itinerary.
Till death do us part.
It feels like yesterday when I think about how we managed to prepare all the essentials (and non-essentials) for the wedding. To have good friends and my dear cousin Ai helped me through it all is so heart warming. It was a marathon of doing all those stuff from March until the final day on Sept 8, 2001.
On the day of the wedding, Ai and I still had the time to go and pick up the flowers for the bouquet from the shop which was not ready the day before. I didn't panic. I don't know anything about stress and pressure. For me, it was just about getting everything ready before I head to the hotel for my hair and make-up.
And I can't remember the rest of it, ok, the pictures will definitely show that we did a good job. I mean, there was no wedding coordinator to help us out. It was a collaboration of sorts between friends - Chat, Balot, Ai and I.
My dear Sir Binoy (my favorite HS teacher) sent us the backdrop for the reception and for that I am forever grateful to him. My aunts (my mom's sisters) were so helpful and Hubs family is so wonderful for embracing me into their family.
Ok, the wedding ceremony and the reception were done in style, in our own simple style. It rained after the reception as we had back to the hotel with me being Mrs Ouano officially.
The next day we, the newly weds, hied off to Panglao, Bohol for the "honeymoon" or should I say, a much needed respite - rest and recreation. Both set of parents, unaware of our plans, were looking for us and this made me smile until this day from the time my Mama told me about how we were missed the following day. Our wedding presents were opened at the same time the World Trade Center was attacked on Sept. 11, the whole episode unfolding on TV.
Our love story is not one for the books except maybe the courtship stage or the lack of it seemed to be an interesting topic. We met because we worked from the same company and to make a very long story shorter, we dated or should we say we were having MU (mutual understanding as in Murag Uyab), enjoyed each other's company and shared so many interesting stories together over good food that after two years, on a Good Friday, the hubs asked the most anticipated question of all times. Who am I to say No? Having been raised relatively different and the seven years age gap, we have our own differences but managed to co-exist harmoniously with each other.
Love, is the basic foundation of a relationship, trust keep such relationship intact, communication makes the relationship stronger but it is the care-free attitude and oftentimes the respect for some privacy, or what's left of it, completes the equation as to how we managed to stay sane from day one until today. I would say respect is the most important ingredient in a relationship for it to last.
When I say respect, it is about keeping your cool when one is having a melt-down. We don't clash head on - we simply don't clash at all. I might have learned it the hard way but it is really important to simply store a bucket full of patience and count to 100 before I open my mouth and say something I might regret. He is the same way to me and because of that, arguments seldom happen.
It's not an easy road we take but we learned to cope with the ever changing life and its stages. Now that the boys are growing up and easier to managed, we simply take one day at a time and enjoy each other's company.
It's a long journey ahead but knowing that we are here for each other, we will buckle ourselves, and go on with the ride, with or without an itinerary.
Till death do us part.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
This Side of Me
I've always been an admirer of dresses yet I only owned two. A black one that I haven't worn yet (with tag on it) and a brown Loalde that I bought from Ayala-Cebu in 2003 that I haven't worn outside the house.
I am not sure why I decided to buy them in the first place. I love dresses but not on me. I love colourful fabrics from pastels to outrageous hues. I just don't like wearing them if there is such an option.
I'm into denims and shirts and there was one time when I hoard polo shirts of different colours. I love short pants but that was like some 10 years ago although I still have some pieces that I kept - hope couture -. I don't like wearing sleeveless tops either. I do sometimes but I don't usually.
Then I realized, I am in a way, so self-conscious. I think about people's perception subsconsciously. In my mind, there is always this thought that I have to follow a norm, a set of pattern, a guideline before I go out in the open. I know it is not right but this is how I feel.
My love for dresses and the sense of having an uncomfortable feeling of being in one is by far the most unexplainable contrast there is.
I want to break from this mold.
I will, one of these days, find that perfect dress and really wear it.
Which reminds me, exactly 9 years ago tomorrow, I was in a wedding dress although I cannot remember feeling uncomfortable in it.
I am not sure why I decided to buy them in the first place. I love dresses but not on me. I love colourful fabrics from pastels to outrageous hues. I just don't like wearing them if there is such an option.
I'm into denims and shirts and there was one time when I hoard polo shirts of different colours. I love short pants but that was like some 10 years ago although I still have some pieces that I kept - hope couture -. I don't like wearing sleeveless tops either. I do sometimes but I don't usually.
Then I realized, I am in a way, so self-conscious. I think about people's perception subsconsciously. In my mind, there is always this thought that I have to follow a norm, a set of pattern, a guideline before I go out in the open. I know it is not right but this is how I feel.
My love for dresses and the sense of having an uncomfortable feeling of being in one is by far the most unexplainable contrast there is.
I want to break from this mold.
I will, one of these days, find that perfect dress and really wear it.
Which reminds me, exactly 9 years ago tomorrow, I was in a wedding dress although I cannot remember feeling uncomfortable in it.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Summer's End
"Time flies so fast" is an overrated cliche already but nonetheless true.
Summer is about to end and a new season is about to start. How did we spend summer? Where did it go?
We tried to hold a lot of memories in our hearts, fond memories for sure. These are the times that when we tried to recollect will bring a smile into our face. A warm, good goose-bumpy feeling. Then we reminisce about the times that fun was all about having family and friends over good food and stories. Any stories that will bring laughter, that kind of laughter that bring tears to your eyes, that kind of laugh that makes your cheeks hurt. A non-stop laughter over laughter until we decide to feast on the food again.
Ahh, summer. Where did you go? Why do you have to go so soon when we are just enjoying every weekend with you?
There's a lot of things I might have taken for granted growing up. A lot of things that just passed by me without any meaning at all. Could it be because there are four seasons at this part of the world that I always cherish every season as it comes? Could it be because I know when the old season ends and a new season begins that I look forward to the days to come with anticipation matching that of a child waiting for Christmas Eve and for Santa to bring the presents?
Or am I just at this stage in life where I am more appreciative of things around me? Maybe I am. Or I am indeed.
Summer is about to end but come to think of it, as we usher a new season where leaves turn into a myriad of beautiful colours, so does life.
Summer is about to end and a new season is about to start. How did we spend summer? Where did it go?
We tried to hold a lot of memories in our hearts, fond memories for sure. These are the times that when we tried to recollect will bring a smile into our face. A warm, good goose-bumpy feeling. Then we reminisce about the times that fun was all about having family and friends over good food and stories. Any stories that will bring laughter, that kind of laughter that bring tears to your eyes, that kind of laugh that makes your cheeks hurt. A non-stop laughter over laughter until we decide to feast on the food again.
Ahh, summer. Where did you go? Why do you have to go so soon when we are just enjoying every weekend with you?
There's a lot of things I might have taken for granted growing up. A lot of things that just passed by me without any meaning at all. Could it be because there are four seasons at this part of the world that I always cherish every season as it comes? Could it be because I know when the old season ends and a new season begins that I look forward to the days to come with anticipation matching that of a child waiting for Christmas Eve and for Santa to bring the presents?
Or am I just at this stage in life where I am more appreciative of things around me? Maybe I am. Or I am indeed.
Summer is about to end but come to think of it, as we usher a new season where leaves turn into a myriad of beautiful colours, so does life.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Reminiscing 1 - The Song
Let me tell you a story. I guess I was about 5 years old when we still live in Annex (don't know why they called the street this name). My parents rented the 2nd floor of a house but I can't remember what the 1st floor was but probably rented it to other tenants as well. It was 1977 or earlier and it was after a strong earthquake, my first earthquake experience when our "aparador" swayed like crazy and my dad keeps on saying something like "si..si..(shoo-shoo) or ho..ho.." trying to make the quake stops. The following morning, the first song I remembered being played on the transistor radio was "Do you know where you're going to". That song stuck in my head all this time. I hated it for a while. I remember shutting my ears when I hear this song.
One day, I was walking and subconsciously hummed the song. I was taken aback. I don't understand why all of a sudden I remember that particular day so many years ago. The stairs leading to the main landing, the houses around me, the dogs barking, my pink shirt and short pants, people talking about the earthquake and the song. So clear, so crisp, the lyrics all so vivid. I can even memorize the lines and to think that I have never sang the song in any videoke sessions, even when one time, Parin said he like the song so much because the lyrics are so meaningful. I didn't give in. Never sang it. Never.
Until that one morning on my way to work when my MP3 runs out of battery. I hummed and I sang it not minding if somebody else will hear me. I am full of hope and positivity. I live by the thought that my glass is half-full. However, I am still a stranger to my adopted country and still searching for answers to some questions that I have put at the backseat of my mind.
But here's the song anyway;
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life's been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions
That you once asked of me
One day, I was walking and subconsciously hummed the song. I was taken aback. I don't understand why all of a sudden I remember that particular day so many years ago. The stairs leading to the main landing, the houses around me, the dogs barking, my pink shirt and short pants, people talking about the earthquake and the song. So clear, so crisp, the lyrics all so vivid. I can even memorize the lines and to think that I have never sang the song in any videoke sessions, even when one time, Parin said he like the song so much because the lyrics are so meaningful. I didn't give in. Never sang it. Never.
Until that one morning on my way to work when my MP3 runs out of battery. I hummed and I sang it not minding if somebody else will hear me. I am full of hope and positivity. I live by the thought that my glass is half-full. However, I am still a stranger to my adopted country and still searching for answers to some questions that I have put at the backseat of my mind.
But here's the song anyway;
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life's been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?
Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions
That you once asked of me
Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long?
Before we see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be
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